Many Hats Disclaimer

Stephanie's Heroes aired in spring of 2012 on Channel 19. It was my first time on television, other than two brief appearances—one five years ago, one 30-some-odd years ago. In the more recent one, I had driven my pickup truck out to get horse bedding and was asked what I thought of the skyrocketing price of gasoline. I made a brilliant, insightful comment about how expensive it is to drive a three-quarter ton truck and pulled away from the gas station praying fervently the interview would not be aired.

Well, it’s amore nerve-wracking experience to anticipate, in advance, five or ten questions about one's life and work. Regrettably, I lost the better part of two nights sleep over it. At 4:00 a.m. the morning of the interview, I was, in fact, making cue cards for John to hold up, in case I forgot everything short of my name. I was therefore appalled that the cameraman (or ‘lady’ in this case) zoomed in on my red-tinged, swollen eyes as an opening shot. Aside from pointing out that my eyes generally do not look like miniature cutouts from an old National Highway System map, I’d like to make an additional clarification: I’m not currently wearing the many hats described. True, I was at one time a psychology professor. I was also a Scottish dancer at one time. In my one big cameo TV appearance, at age seventeen, I did the sword dance in a fancy dancing kilt and gillies, and I managed not to kick the swords across the studio.

There’s a difference between is and was. Could I handle the demands of a faculty appointment (the hours-long classes and querulous committees, the steady parade of students) while writing a book and launching a related business? No more than I could leap from a tall building and fly with a cape. I’m not sure how the facts got confused—the confusion did not originate with anything I said—but the whole thing made me sound rather amazing, which may have been the point.

I very much appreciate being called a hero by the people whose voices I worked hard to capture in my book. Stephanie Satchell is a calming, smiling person, who helped me feel more at ease, although, you know, I managed to pepper my comments with "you know" you know. I have one final correction, for the record, and I did say this on camera: I’m not the hero. The true heroes are people who live with this disease and do their best in spite of overwhelming, unspeakable challenges. It’s not hard to be an All-Weather Friend in this situation, but dementia patients and caregivers nonetheless struggle with social isolation. I hope my book helps their friends and relatives understand. I hope it keeps people in their lives.

And next time I'm interviewed for television, I will, you know, use Visine. I will also not bother with cue cards, since I was sent an advance list of questions and then asked variations of them in a different order. John fumbled around behind the camera, holding up incorrect answers, which at least had the effect of widening my bloodshot eyes.

Mary Cail

Mary Cail earned her PhD and two additional graduate degrees from the University of Virginia. She is the author of Alzheimer's: A Crash Course for Friends and Relatives and Dementia and the Church: Memory, Care, and Inclusion. Mary taught in the graduate school of psychology at James Madison University, where she chaired a national accreditation task force; she has served as a faculty consultant for the University of Virginia’s Department of Academic Affairs. Her op-eds, articles, and blogs on dementia have been published by the Los Angeles Times, the Miami Herald, the Chicago Tribune, Maria Shriver’s Architects of Change series, and the University of Virginia alumni magazine, Virginia, among others. Alzheimer's: A Crash Course for Friends and Relatives was chosen for inclusion in the 2015 Virginia Festival of the Book, and her work to create social opportunities for dementia patients and caregivers in her community was featured on the Charlottesville Newsplex series, Stephanie's Heroes. Mary is the founder of the All-Weather Friend.

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